Pour THIS In Your Tumblr
Let’s play New Super Mario Wii U drinking game!

1. every time you die = take a drink
2. every time you pass a level = finish drink
3. get stuck at level 1-5
4. drink until you die IRL

so

are Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen ever gonna do a comedy together or what

How do you people do it. How.

I know I’m not the only one suffering. What is it, drugs? Cannabis? What the fuck do you do? I must have been absent the day you all learned it.

I think I’m gonna try it, soon. Not fully, not all the way, just a taste. I wanna see what it’s like to come close. I’ll start by taking two instead of one. Then three instead of two.

I’m just sick of waiting, you know? Sick of nothing. Time’s getting shorter anyway, so what’s the big deal? It’s not like many people care. *I* don’t care.

It won’t be much longer. I won’t have to suffer like this any more. It’s my life, I can do what I want with it. Soon it’ll all be over. Then everything wil finally be okay. Forever.

uh-oh

I feel myself getting heavy again. I’d better distract myself with something before I start to sink…

We interrupt this blog feed with an important announcement.

The “Thank You” episode of Adventure Time with Finn & Jake is the best I’ve yet seen in that series.

That is some Emmy Award-caliber shit. I’m gonna check & see if it did win an Emmy.

It didn’t. But it was nominated.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled feed.

Anytime someone on TV or in a movie or play says “everbody’s dead” you know they’re lying because that person talking is alive.

Except for ghosts.

I envision a time, in the far future…

…when we are living in space and on far-away worlds, so many worlds it would be difficult for one to know them all.

And then I think about here and now. There are so many nations on this planet, places with names some of us have never heard of, will never travel to, nor meet people from. [Is that even correct grammar? Fuckit, it’s late.] Nations of which some we only see represented every few years in a parade at the Olympics.

And then I think again of the far future… when students learn about both the nations of Earth, the worlds we inhabit, and possibly the nations on THOSE worlds. My mind is blown, and also I’m glad I don’t have to learn the names of those places because I suck at geography.

After-afterthought

I don’t know how many extra family members they allow in the delivery room, but perhaps more people would like to get in on experiencing the pain (adults only, obvies) and daisy-chain hands to mouths, like the “telephone” game but with biting. Then you’ll have all these folks biting the shit out of other folks’ hands, grunting and screaming in sequence and leaving wounds on each other which heal into scars. It’ll be a shared family experience. Might even become a fad, who knows.

Maybe the line could extend OUT of the delivery room, down the hall, or even outside the building. Maybe the Royal Family could do this when Kate Middleton gives birth in a few months and the whole of England can share in her pain!

Or maybe this is a really dumb idea.

Afterthoughts

2 things about my previous post:

• the hospital/clinic/whatever would have to treat the hand injury following the birth, which may or may not cost less than getting a commemorative tattoo

• whoever is getting bitten should have a high fucking pain tolerance and be tough enough to:
A) not scream (b/c then the docs/nurses/techs will have to deal with possibly 2 screaming adults), and
B) not pass out (though I’m sure the baby daddies pass out all the time anyway, which leaves the mommy hanging)

• it could be a male or a female life partner, to be all PC and shit

I’ve often thought about how a man could share in the pain of the mother of his child during delivery, and came up with this:

She gets to bite down on his hand (not fingers, they’d be severed for sure).

This will definitely break the skin, possibly fracture a metacarpal and likely leave a scar, but the scar would be a cool story, no? And the man can have scars on both hands (space is limited to maybe 4 kids) to keep and commemorate the birth of each child forever.

Way better than a tattoo, I think. (And free too!)